NARRATIVES I WANT TO BE EXCLUDED FROM

Inspired by @darshnim .. And of course tswift
  1. That time my mother came to pick me up from my college apartment at 7 AM and I wasn't there
    And the subsequent 4 hour ride where I was still markedly drunk
  2. Anytime I have consumed alcohol and seen @sar_marieee 's significant others
  3. My former roommate's work life
    Or his life in general
  4. That time my best friend joined a sorority and I got drunk in the bathroom of their formal because they were intolerable
  5. Every time I've broken a shoe while a mile or so away from home
    Flip flops. Boots. Heels.
  6. When I fell in a ditch. And the second time
  7. My guy friends love lives
  8. The time my friend jumped off a bridge and shattered her shoulder
    And Martha had to wipe her butt. Actually I pretty solidly excluded myself from that one.
  9. When someone mentions I have cheese in my hair