PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY MY EXISTENCE

THEY WOULD LIKE TO BE EXCLUDED FROM MY NARRATIVE SINCE 1990. Yeah I know that reference was like a month ago.
  1. My aunt
    She was 14 when I was born and I stole the attention by being adorable and smarter than her by age 4
  2. Boys at bars
    I never go home with them even though I have a slutty aura
  3. My friends
    They probably all would have less liver damage and damage to their blood pressure levels (between butter and the stress I cause)
  4. I made up fake rules to monopoly and told her Santa wasn't real
  5. My coworkers
    Providing diabetes and income tax since 2004