REASONS I AM NOT THE FAVORITE CHILD

Disclaimer : my parents fucking LOVE me and are awesome. I might actually be the favorite child but that is not what this list is about
  1. I'm the oldest sibling
    And thus all faults in younger siblings can be blamed on A. Parental failure or B. My bad influence. Guess which one they pick!
  2. I got a Bachelor of Science.... in Journalism
    "It says science but did you even take biology?" -Mother "Nope but I can name the different kinds of volcanoes!"
  3. I have a mouth like a sailor (or someone who thinks language is fun and doesn't limit themselves bc something is 'bad')
    "I got so mad I used Mary's word" - Mother, after she said 'fuck'
  4. I've been arrested
    Jail not prison everyone CALM DOWN.
  5. When I was little I used to make up stories and state them as fact
    Okay who are we kidding I've been making up stories for the entirety of my existence I just learned they were called "lies" if you don't channel them into a creative writing class and call them fiction
  6. Sometimes* I hungover nap on their couch
    *every time I'm in town for more than 24 hours
  7. Goddamn baby sisters