STORIES I ENJOY TELLING TO STRANGERS

Or really anyone.
  1. The Infamous Monopoly Game
    It involves keeping a child from its father, thrown pieces, and a legitimate death threat from my grandfather. It demonstrates three things that are very important to my narrative; my boss skills at monopoly, how insane my family is, and that my birthday is around thanksgiving.
  2. The Time Ed Peed In The Oven
    Allegedly.
  3. The Time Ron Drove To The ER With Three Small Children And Paper Towels
    Ron sliced both of his wrists open trying to replace a window and promptly drove himself and us we babes to the hospital where his wife was working. Suffering from blood loss and probably overwhelmed with adrenaline he responded with a confused yes when the nurse asked him if the wounds were self inflicted. He realized his mistake and tried to explain when they said they were bringing down a psych consult. Martha was a nurse supervisor and relentlessly picked on for this.
  4. The Night Of The Ax
    One of the more ridiculous stories and includes all the best aspects of a dramaedy; friendship, lust, jealousy, hilarity, lies, robbery, destruction of property, an uncomfortable cab ride, birthday cake, a teenage girl laying in the road, multiple locations, sneaking people into a bedroom, drunkly singing all 4 one, and a disappointed mother.
  5. The First Trip To Vegas
    "I heard you were a wild one" doesn't begin to describe it. Also the largest penis I've seen to date.
  6. The Time Julian Peed In The Suitcase
    Multiple witnesses.
  7. When @sar_marieee Didn't Get Ice Cream
    Because she was a liar and a fake cry baby and SHE DIDN'T DESERVE IT