THE REASON I'M LIKE THIS

Inspired by everyone
  1. Ron taught me to headbutt him as a party trick when I was an infant
    To prove to people I was biologically his.
  2. Martha had my childhood hairdresser cut all my hair off because I didn't brush it
    I cried for weeks and still haven't forgiven her or hairdressers. Or started brushing my hair consistently.
  3. They gave me a dictionary for Christmas at age 7
    And I read it cover to cover. It's still on my parents bookshelf.
  4. It was usurped by a Polaroid camera at age 10
    @sar_marieee was my main model
  5. Every boy who ever liked me thought they could "fix" or "save" me
    Doing fine over here, all my parts are in working order