THINGS I'VE WANTED TO SAY BUT ARE COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE

These are slutty. Sorry. WINE DRUNK BIRTHDAY MONTH.
  1. "My shower head is more emotionally stable than any of the boys I've dated"
  2. "I used a coupon for plan b this morning so all those years of Sunday morning clipping sunk in!"
  3. "He's seven feet tall just the laws of proportions make him a terrifying potential mate"
  4. "Seeing his name still makes me want to aggressively masterbate"
    Don't need you 🌵
  5. "I don't miss him I miss that he'd let me pop the zits on his back."
  6. "It's nice you said you love me but you're also the worst"