THINGS I'VE WANTED TO SAY BUT ARE COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE
These are slutty. Sorry. WINE DRUNK BIRTHDAY MONTH.
- •"My shower head is more emotionally stable than any of the boys I've dated"
- •"I used a coupon for plan b this morning so all those years of Sunday morning clipping sunk in!"
- •"He's seven feet tall just the laws of proportions make him a terrifying potential mate"
- •"Seeing his name still makes me want to aggressively masterbate"Don't need you 🌵
- •"I don't miss him I miss that he'd let me pop the zits on his back."
- •"It's nice you said you love me but you're also the worst"