THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED SINCE I STARTED PLAYING POKEMON GO

  1. Ran into a fountain/ statue
    In my defense it was also 7AM
  2. Vocally swore "MOTHER FUCK" in a public park
    The damn thing cost me four pokeballs just when I thought I had started to get the hang of it
  3. Broke a flip flop about a half mile into my "evening stroll" in the park
    I should probably go get a shot for that tomorrow
  4. Sweated completely through my dress and cardigan and went back into work looking like one of those people that does "lunch runs"
    It was 93 degrees and felt like a wet fart outside
  5. Texted my sister 50 times about Pokemon I couldn't find
  6. Fist bumped my (sorta) boss for the first time
    Very strange 4/10. I suppose I should just be glad he didn't ask for a high five, I've been told mine are too enthusiastic.
  7. Wondered if my unlimited data plan will crap out on me at some point
    Even when I first moved and google maps was constantly open I was never concerned
  8. Contemplated one of those battery cases
    Would also be handy on road trips ?
  9. Contemplated an in app purchase
    I'm not proud of this
  10. Contemplated walking alone in parks at night to catch an abra
    Problematic
  11. Took a "night jog" through the park
    It was.... Dusk? Def not dusk. This game might kill me
  12. Woke up at 530 am and thought "oh I bet the servers haven't crashed yet!" Not "ugh why the fuck am I awake"
    I'll be there
  13. Wondered what rare Pokemon would hide in a piano
  14. Detoured from the farmers market because LURES
  15. Interacted with strangers with joy
    Everyone is so exited and awesome
  16. Informed one creeper that my tank top was not for him but was in fact because I walked 5 miles in 90 degree weather to catch Pokemon so he could fuck right off
    There's always one
  17. Melted the glue between the sole of my combat boot and the leather somehow
    They're only a month old damn it
  18. Took a detour despite the backpack full of produce I was carrying because all I need is one more eevee for another evolution
    One down two to go
  19. So much exercise. So much giggling. So much carpal tunnel.
  20. Yay for the nostalgia economy
    I have the Harry Potter coloring books too. TAKE MY MONEY