CRUSHES I'VE HAD
- •The one who looked like Conan O'BrienIn high school I was obsessed with this Finnish kid who looked like a fat Conan O'Brien. Well, I wouldn't call him fat. He was average sized. I was obsessed with him for two years and on the night of our high school graduation I sent him a drunk (and highly embarrassing) MYSPACE MESSAGE professing my love for him. Years later, I found out that he had a crush on me too. He lives in Finland now and he's fatter than I am. Truth is? I'd still hit it.
- •The one who was 8 years older than meI went to a broadcasting vocational school right after high school and met this guy who was 25. I was 18. He was actually my first true love. He wrote techno music and wasn't ashamed to put his arm around me and kiss me in public. One time at a hockey game he grabbed my ass and never let it go until we got to my car.
- •The one who was my Work FlirtAn adorable guy who was in a hard rock band and had a girlfriend, but we flirted all the time with no shame. If he didn't have a girlfriend I probably would have went for it. One time I made him my famous White Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies and he asked me to marry him on the spot.
- •The one who I almost Mrs. Robinson-ed.There was a 17 year old cart attendant at work that I always flirted with. All I had to do was bat my eyelashes and he would do anything for me.
- •The one with the handlebar mustacheWhile I worked at Target, I kind of became obsessed with one of the managers. He had a handlebar mustache for a while and grew it out to a full on beard, and his girlfriend was heavier set like myself. Whenever him and I would talk he would always have a big smile on my face. When I told him that I loved to bake he actually said to me "you better not tell me you like to bake because I'll come find you" and we had a fucking hot moment. If I were to be the other woman for someone it'd be him.