NICKNAMES OF GUYS I'VE MET ON DATING SITES
Because I'm a modern female, damn it.
- •Wolf ShirtI think this one is self explanatory.
- •Jabba the SandwichAll this guy wanted me to do was make him a sandwich, even after I kindly told him to fuck off numerous times.
- •The Face of ConsumerismI honestly don't know about this one? I think maybe I was drunk when my friends and I came out with this one?
- •Ted MosbyWithin 15 minutes of talking he had already said he loved me three times. Hard pass.
- •Alkaline IdiotHe was obsessed with Alkaline Trio (as am I) but he had the worlds worst grammar. Oh, and he wasn't even intelligent or anything.
- •Sam the NerdIf I'm being honest, I actually didn't mind Sam so he got a semi normal nickname. Although all he wanted to do was bone zone. And bowl. Not necessarily in that order.
- •Eyebrow RingI never even got this guys name, so I just called him Eyebrow Ring. To this day I still don't know what his name is.
- •Dude Who Looks Like EwokI call my mothers husband an ewok, and this dude looked exactly like my moms husband.
- •JailbirdThis one wasn't always nicknamed Jailbird. I normally called him by his normal name. But when three weeks into the conversation he tells you he's in prison for allegedly pushing a 15 year old prostitute out of a moving car and killing her, you change the name.
- •The NoseThis guy was the worst. He had no personality, he was too skinny, and he nose was the size of three of my noses. Oh, and he always called me beautiful all the time, which is ANNOYING AS SHIT when you are being called it 24/7.
- •🔪🔪🔪His name was Charles, but he reminded me of a serial killer so he basically just got three knife emojis for a name.
- •ManboobsOkay I'm not one person that hates overweight people (being slightly overweight myself), but this dude had bigger boobs than I do.
- •FuckhouserHis last name is Funkhouser (?????) and he asked me once if people thought my eyes were squinted. So I thought I'd give him this fun little nickname.