TED TALKS I FEEL QUALIFIED TO GIVE

  1. How to deter car theft
    Main points: have an old car. Make sure your car is scratched enough that shady mechanics driving by will ask if you want a paint job. Ignore that that sounds like a yet-to-be-named euphemism. Have a crippling addiction to Diet Coke, and leave the cans in your car. Move two years ago and still not clear everything out from the backseat. Your father may volunteer to set your car on fire, but it will not get broken into.
  2. The evolutionary benefits of being extremely physically inflexible
    The discipline it takes to stretch your tight muscles all the time strengthens your resolve and mental toughness. I'll get back to you on this one.
  3. How to not cry in a bar
    Get a uber/taxi and GET OUT OF THERE. This would be a short talk.
  4. Why pretending you're a rock/stage/opera star and singing at the top of your lungs should be added to doctors recommendations.
    Call me, American Medical Association.
  5. Honorable mention: talk to college school seniors about how IT WILL BE OK.
    and to give the middle finger to anyone who tells them they have to figure out their passion by X age, married by Y age and kids by Z age. Life doesn't work like that.