Things I miss about you/Things I remember on the worst day of my life....

My sister passed away June 10, 2015 from a surgical complication. She had a small bleed from a hyatial hernia repair 30 days earlier. At 37, a mother of 8, sister to 2, daughter, friend, supporter and the brightest light in our family was just gone. In the blink of an eye. I miss you so much Re. I love you sister. 💚💙
  1. First off I miss EVERYTHING about you!
  2. First off I miss EVERYTHING about you!
  3. Your smile
  4. Your smile
  5. Your laugh. And snort.
  6. Your laugh. And snort.
  7. Watching you with kids and animals.
  8. Watching you with kids and animals.
  9. The way you loved all of God's creatures. Some more than others.
  10. The way you loved all of God's creatures. Some more than others.
  11. How supportive you were to everyone in your life
  12. How supportive you were to everyone in your life
  13. How much you loved
  14. How much you loved
  15. Nic waking me up that morning
  16. Nic waking me up that morning
  17. The rain that morning and the way it stopped when I started coming home
  18. The rain that morning and the way it stopped when I started coming home
  19. Pulling into the hospital parking lot
  20. Pulling into the hospital parking lot
  21. Getting out and seeing our sister standing there shaking her head and crying
  22. Getting out and seeing our sister standing there shaking her head and crying
  23. Running to the emergency room doors
  24. Running to the emergency room doors
  25. Seeing your son sitting on the wet and cold ground screaming NO!!!!
  26. Seeing your son sitting on the wet and cold ground screaming NO!!!!
  27. Grabbing your husband and begging him to tell me it wasn't true.
  28. Grabbing your husband and begging him to tell me it wasn't true.
  29. Our sister walking me into the emergency room where you were
  30. Our sister walking me into the emergency room where you were
  31. Seeing you attached to all the machines and tubes
  32. Seeing you attached to all the machines and tubes
  33. Sitting next to you, holding your hand, begging to trade me places
  34. Sitting next to you, holding your hand, begging to trade me places
  35. Holding on to Nic as she cried over losing you
  36. Holding on to Nic as she cried over losing you
  37. Walking out to the emergency ambulance parking and falling to my knees and screaming why why why you
  38. Walking out to the emergency ambulance parking and falling to my knees and screaming why why why you
  39. Watching as all 8 of your kids walked into the room see their goodbyes to you
  40. Watching as all 8 of your kids walked into the room see their goodbyes to you
  41. The look of sadness in their eyes in the Heartbreak on their face and the hurt in their heart
  42. The look of sadness in their eyes in the Heartbreak on their face and the hurt in their heart
  43. The overwhelming loss and sadness that seemed to fill the room that day
  44. The overwhelming loss and sadness that seemed to fill the room that day
  45. The kids saying their last goodbyes to you it's heartbreaking to me
  46. The kids saying their last goodbyes to you it's heartbreaking to me
  47. Hugging each of the kids before they left the hospital I'm telling them that I love them all
  48. Hugging each of the kids before they left the hospital I'm telling them that I love them all
  49. The grief on mom's face
  50. The grief on mom's face
  51. Calling Dad to tell him that you were gone and listening to him punch the dresser and breaking his hand
  52. Calling Dad to tell him that you were gone and listening to him punch the dresser and breaking his hand
  53. The agony that everyone felt
  54. The agony that everyone felt
  55. Telling the chaplain to take out the tubes and put a warm blanket on you so that you weren't so cold when your children came is to touch you
  56. Telling the chaplain to take out the tubes and put a warm blanket on you so that you weren't so cold when your children came is to touch you
  57. One of the boys asking me why God would give him a mommy just did take her away
  58. One of the boys asking me why God would give him a mommy just did take her away
  59. Being told that everyone else had left except for Mom and that it was time to go
  60. Being told that everyone else had left except for Mom and that it was time to go
  61. Waiting outside of the room while they put you in the body bag and put you on the gurney with the pink blanket draped over it
  62. Waiting outside of the room while they put you in the body bag and put you on the gurney with the pink blanket draped over it
  63. Walking hand-in-hand with Mom to the morgue
  64. Walking hand-in-hand with Mom to the morgue
  65. Unzipping your body bag to give you one last kiss goodbye and tell you how much I love you
  66. Unzipping your body bag to give you one last kiss goodbye and tell you how much I love you
  67. Watching mom say goodbye to you
  68. Watching mom say goodbye to you
  69. Telling her that it was time to go
  70. Telling her that it was time to go
  71. Getting in my car and crying because I already missed you so much
  72. Getting in my car and crying because I already missed you so much
  73. I'm pulling out of the parking lot and the Sun starts shining and the rain stops
  74. I'm pulling out of the parking lot and the Sun starts shining and the rain stops
  75. The rainbow that I saw on the freeway
  76. The rainbow that I saw on the freeway
  77. Pulling up and seeing people I love in the driveway
  78. Pulling up and seeing people I love in the driveway
  79. Trying to figure out how my life would ever be normal again
  80. Trying to figure out how my life would ever be normal again
  81. Trying to write your eulogy.
  82. Trying to write your eulogy.
  83. Standing with Mom and our sister reading are eulogies together
  84. Standing with Mom and our sister reading are eulogies together
  85. The numbness
  86. The numbness
  87. The pain
  88. The pain
  89. The loss
  90. The loss
  91. The butterfly that flew over us after I read my eulogy for you
  92. The butterfly that flew over us after I read my eulogy for you
  93. The balloons that we let go with our messages to you
  94. The balloons that we let go with our messages to you
  95. The haze and the fog
  96. The haze and the fog
  97. More pain and numbness
  98. More pain and numbness
  99. More hurt and guilt and regret
  100. More hurt and guilt and regret
  101. Trying to pick up the pieces and learn to live with the loss and not let the loss defined
  102. Trying to pick up the pieces and learn to live with the loss and not let the loss defined
  103. Making myself do things even when I really don't want to because it hurts too much to do the normal things
  104. Making myself do things even when I really don't want to because it hurts too much to do the normal things
  105. Planning an amazing International Adventure because if I learned one thing from your death is that I need to live for the moment because we never know when it will be our last one
  106. Planning an amazing International Adventure because if I learned one thing from your death is that I need to live for the moment because we never know when it will be our last one
  107. Birthdays
  108. Birthdays
  109. Holidays
  110. Holidays
  111. Marriages
  112. Marriages
  113. Important days that you made more special just by being there
  114. Important days that you made more special just by being there
  115. Graduations
  116. Graduations
  117. You would have made an amazing grandma
  118. You would have made an amazing grandma
  119. The tattoo that I have with your ashes mixed into the ink
  120. The tattoo that I have with your ashes mixed into the ink
  121. Learning how to laugh again
  122. Learning how to laugh again
  123. Learning how to incorporate the loss I feel into my life
  124. Learning how to incorporate the loss I feel into my life
  125. Try to fight the feeling that by moving on I'm forgetting you
  126. Try to fight the feeling that by moving on I'm forgetting you
  127. Knowing that you're there even if it's not how I want it
  128. Knowing that you're there even if it's not how I want it
  129. The little signs that make me know that you're listening
  130. The little signs that make me know that you're listening
  131. The butterflies, hummingbirds and songs that reminds me of you
  132. The butterflies, hummingbirds and songs that reminds me of you
  133. The way I smile now instead of cry
  134. The way I smile now instead of cry