Amazing Feats of Restraint Currently Being Practiced by Those Around You

  1. Not pointing out the banality of your political insights
  2. Not commenting on the preciousness of your culinary choices
  3. Keeping eyes firmly out of a roll while you explain the ways in which you’ve crafted your own spiritual path
  4. Breathing in a controlled, non-sighing manner while you describe the precise way you prefer your beverage
  5. Pretending your leer isn’t creepy as hell
  6. Using rubber bullets instead of live ammo
  7. Directing the military to try one more time to capture or disable you before ordering a nuclear strike on the city