Worst Songs to Get a Massage To

I am a massage addict and former massage therapist, so I know of which I speak.
  1. Green sleeves (instrumental)
  2. Hotel California (all of Thailand goes nuts over the Eagles)
  3. Jazzy saxophone with alley dogs howling in the song.
  4. The sound of someone orgasming in the hottubs below us. Especially uncomfortable for the practitioner, who was me.
  5. Anything synthesized.