This is gonna hurt.
  1. It may not have been obvious by now
  2. But I am extremely wary of men—
  3. While simultaneously craving their attention.
  4. Desperately.
  5. I ache to be beautiful
  6. To appear a being worthy of adoration.
  7. My youth has been spent lost in unrequited affection towards those for whom I was not adequately attractive.
  8. Swallowed by loneliness, I earned praise the only way I could.
  9. Therein lies my ultimate weakness.
  10. ***
  11. I have a history with men who have seen my self loathing as an opportunity
  12. Who have taken it in their fingers and fashioned it into a weapon—
  13. A viper striking at my cavernous core.
  14. Again and again and again and again.
  15. This unbroken cycle dug its fangs into my chest
  16. Pumping delicious venom into my blood,
  17. My heart racing with exhilaration—reveling at being wanted—
  18. But then the fangs withdrew
  19. And all I had left were the teeth holes in my helpless heart.
  20. Time passes.
  21. Holes heal.
  22. Seasons change and change again.
  23. But then
  24. The snake slithered out of its hole
  25. And I was lost once more
  26. Swirling back into the fog of a past I'd left behind
  27. The pallor of my supple skin all too easily damaged
  28. By commands I didn't seek out
  29. But was too frail to resist.
  30. Unconscionably ignorant of how it would hurt the one who truly cares for me.
  31. There are no syllables left to be uttered
  32. What words of comfort can be given when you are the one in the wrong?
  33. When your selfish restive soul caves under the weight of the attentions of another?
  34. There are none.
    Because I am a PILL
  35. Static