1. I was just killing time looking at stories on SnapChat, and one came up about TSwift.
    I have a very complicated relationship with her that dates back to before she released "Tim McGraw" when my mom met her at a PTA convention. I was obsessed, then got angry when she stopped emailing us (because of course she did she has an insane career to focus on duh but I was YOUNG and so was she), the evolution goes on and on. I won't claim to dislike her music, because that would just be putting on a facade. Like I said, it's a complicated & bizarre thing to feel for someone I never knew.😂
  2. All of that being said, even in my angriest moments I have always kept abreast of her life, because I've been following her since she was literally going door to door in Nashville handing out CDs of her playing her guitar.
    One of my moms PTA friends has been good friends with the Swift family since the Swift family first moved to TSwift could pursue her dreams.
  3. Okay. Unneeded exposition completed. So on SnapChat there was a story talking about how there were rumors that all these snake videos she's been posting recently are her next move in taking back a narrative "the way 'Blank Space' did."
  4. I had no clue what that even meant; I mean I love the video as much as the rest of the world (I mean I was insanely jealous that her life is now spent making kicka** videos straight out of every girl's dreams), but I'd never thought of it as her taking back the narrative.
    Because I'm daft, clearly.
  5. Obviously I Googled it.
  6. Turns out the video was all about a side of double standards in the world that I have genuinely never thought about, because in the past when things have happened that have made people think I was crazy, I just agreed that I applied to myself like there was something wrong with me.
    The more I think about these instances, while sometimes the things I did were a little out there (an example? I baked cookies for a guy multiple times a month for almost a year), it was never like the guys made any effort to warn me off (that cookie guy? He led me on. I see it now; he never had any intention of dating me, but he let me be a laughing stock for my entire freshman year of college). But *I* as the crazy one. The one who was laughed at behind my back (or right in front of me).
  7. ""Like most of the go-to insults for women, crazy’s intent is not to accurately describe a female’s state of mind so much as it is to make sure nobody hears about her state of mind from her. It’s a diversion tactic; her apparent insanity, which is beside the point, becomes the point.
    “She’s crazy” is the fastest, most universally-accepted way for someone, usually a male someone, to discredit the legitimate source of a woman’s thoughts, feelings or behavior. Calling someone crazy is just a low-grade version of gaslighting them, of trying to convince a woman that her perception does not align with reality.""
  8. ^From an article, The C-Word, which I highly recommend to every living human.
  9. So I'm writing all of these long and incoherent phrases to say: what with my frequent illness-induced emotional mania, coupled with my already sensitive fly-off-the-handle temperament, I could *regularly* be classified as "crazy"—personally I would use harsher words than that to describe my behavior—
  10. But never, not even during a tantrum or in the moments when I've come down from it, even when I'm literally apologizing for being cRaZy, *never* has my boyfriend ever said, implied, or agreed that I was being crazy. Not a single time.
  11. And it's something I have genuinely never given any significant amount of thought to. But it is something that I have witnessed in real life and in media, and have always taken for granted that the woman was the one behaving badly. Proving, as per article, that "crazy" is a very simple insult to throw out there to completely
    discredit a person without anyone having to think and work to investigate what is actually going on.
  12. And after reading that article, having all of these threads from distant pieces of my life weave together into an illuminated tapestry, I suddenly realized that I am even more blessed in my relationship than I'd realized.
  13. And I needed to express that in a way my mind could wrap around, even if no one else's can.
  14. 💜