I *WILL* FALL FOR A GUY IF:

I don't have any exes so I'm going with a different take on the current trend. This is an inexhaustive list.
  1. 1.
    He's British. (Esp English, but Scottish, Welsh, or Irish is great too.)
    Confirmed Anglophile. I can't possibly explain the depth of my obsession. It's part of my DNA.
  2. 2.
    He's taller than my 5'10".
    WHY is this so hard to find? I am seriously not. that. tall.
  3. 3.
    He speaks well (read: without a thick country accent or any other kind of severe speech dialect that makes him sound uneducated). A million bonus points for delicious enunciation.
    I apologize, but I'm an English major. You constantly butchering grammar in the name of sass is *not* impressive to me. At all. Get out.
  4. 4.
    He is tortured but not in a way that constantly pushes me away when I try to comfort him.
    Life is sometimes the worst. I truly understand that sentiment: share it with me.
  5. 5.
    He is a musician.
    "Real-life magicians," she said without a trace of irony.
  6. 6.
    He is tactfully intelligent.
    This explains my crushes on Dan Brown, Stephen King, and Erik Larson, to name a few, none of whom I would kick out of bed.
  7. 7.
    He is confident, but not arrogant.
    Gaston was the real beast all along.
  8. 8.
    He is self conscious.
    I can relate to you on every level known to man. And most of the ones that are unknown.
  9. 9.
    He shows genuine interest in what I'm saying, not simply listening to me to get something.
    Girls can tell what your motives are. We know.
  10. 10.
    He makes me laugh.
    The last guy I was kind of "talking to" (LORD how I despise that asinine term) told me I had the worst outlook on life. You know what could help with that? Get me to giggle. If I'm into you it really isn't that difficult.
  11. 11.
    He doesn't make me feel stupid when I do little silly trying-to-be-sweet things.
    Can't you just say thank you instead of looking at me like I'm a sea serpent?
  12. 12.
    He watches a movie with me and actually watches the movie.
    *Sometimes*, that is. 😏
  13. 13.
    He gives me recs on books, movies, and music.
    I can never have enough of those.
  14. 14.
    He won't badger me to let him help me with stuff all the time.
    I have some mild physical issues, and being constantly made to feel inadequate isn't helpful: it makes me feel pitied. And that's horrible. Please don't do it.
  15. 15.
    He's honest with me, and wants me to be honest back.
    Deceit is exhausting, and I have enough trust issues without you adding to them.
  16. 16.
    He's okay with days when I'm super clingy, and days when I need my space; I'm okay with him being the same.
    I'm human, you're human. Let's keep expectations realistic, here.
  17. 17.
    He makes me feel beautiful.
    A rare breed.
  18. 18.
    He doesn't judge me for my past.
    For things I have done, as well as things I haven't.
  19. 19.
    He's Mike Colter.
    That voice, those teeth, that spot where his shoulders connect to his arms...