JUST MADE A BET WITH MYSELF

I am as serious as a Stephen Hawking book right now.
  1. I was in the shower today, thinking about Leonardo DiCaprio--
  2. You know, the usual--
  3. When it hit me like a thunderbolt.
  4. I HAVE NEVER BEEN KISSED
  5. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO HAS NEVER WON AN OSCAR
  6. OF COURSE I've never been kissed.
  7. I'm living in a world where LEONARDO DiCAPRIO remains Oscarless.
  8. Of COURSE my desperately lonely and juicy lips have never been kissed.
  9. How could I possibly conceive of kissing someone when LEO doesn't have a freaking Oscar?!?
  10. I can't.
  11. I've been telling my mother I am so invested in him winning that I want to place some kind of wager on the outcome.
  12. And then, in the shower, I was just like DUH.
  13. The only thing I've been waiting for longer than my first kiss is for Leo to win an Oscar.
  14. So. If he wins? I'm going to find someone to kiss.
  15. If he doesn't? I will explode into a righteous ball of rage. And also not find someone to kiss.
  16. This is my pledge to you, Leo:
  17. I, Katherine Elise Harris, pledge not to kiss anyone until you, maestro, have received the little golden man you so rightfully deserve.
  18. I did a hypnosis video last night and my stress level is so much better today and I'm so calm about this wager with myself.
  19. Patting myself on the back for taking a risk for Leo, the man who'll always hold my heart.