PILL

  1. 1.
    When my boss calls me into her office to unfairly single me out
  2. 2.
    I can't stop scalding tears from sliding down my cheeks—
    Because I'm a pill.
  3. 3.
    Nor my fists from banging on the table in a desperate attempt to convey my words.
    She should have fired me.
  4. 4.
    When my romantic companion tries to console me with a hug and a twirl,
  5. 5.
    I can't fake gratitude or joy—
    Because I'm a pill.
  6. 6.
    Only icy instructions to halt and let me sit in silence.
    He should have left me.
  7. 7.
    When my friend loses interest in me and instead pursues less needy confidants,
  8. 8.
    I can't force myself to wish their new camaraderie well—
    Because I'm a pill.
  9. 9.
    No, there is jealousy and betrayal.
    They should all ditch me.
  10. 10.
    When my mother tries to give me a loving embrace because she can see I'm upset,
  11. 11.
    I return it with no warmth or appreciation—
    Because I'm a pill.
  12. 12.
    Instead rushing upstairs to flee her concerned glance.
    She should kick me out.
  13. 13.
    When I'm in the shower and drowning in droplets that soak my hair, dot my body, singe my eyes,
  14. 14.
    My gaze is drawn to my vice and I want to give in—
    Because I'm a pill.
  15. 15.
    If ever there was a day to return to old ways, this would be it.
    I should have done it.
  16. 16.
    I reflect on my day, just one day of so many, and all I can think is:
    I'm a pill.
  17. 17.
    Every single day I breathe air into my lungs
    I'm a pill.
  18. 18.
    But also
    I have so many, many pills. Seven bottles on the bookshelf at the foot of my bed.
  19. 19.
    I can't help but think...
    Maybe I should put all those pills to good use.
  20. 20.
    Stop hurting people
    Because I'm a pill.
  21. 21.
    Stop hurting myself
    Because I'm a pill.
  22. 22.
    And no matter how desperately I try to escape it...
    As long as I am living, I will be a pill.