THE TRACKLIST FOR MY NEW ALBUM: UNREQUITED

Inspired by my struggle with things not wanting me the way I want them. Not only love; also friends, jobs, cities, guidance...all things I crave desperately that don't want to be mine. Sidenote: I usually try to cover my shame by abusing how ridiculous I am, ergo this is in the style of Garfunkel & Oats. Apologies for lack of creativity.
  1. Florid Face, Muted Mouth
    My permanent reaction any time my crush comes around: intense blushing and a complete inability to speak.
  2. To My Future Lover--Wherever You Are
    Starts out as a soppy love tune featuring the steel drums and listing character traits he will have. Then progresses into a bridge revealing my true opinions on whether or not he exists....and then progresses into hateful yell-singing about the fact that he doesn't exist in my world. Includes several pop culture references of places he could exist, including Narnia, Stark Tower, Fox Books, etc.
  3. Lavatory Lunch
    A timid reflection on my high school days spent hiding out in the last bathroom stall, eating lunch and rereading Harry Potter. Be sure to listen for the Mean Girls parallels.
  4. The Trouble With Sexting
    A tell-all based on conversations I've had with coworkers about sexting's lack of appeal for women as compared to men.
  5. Horrible (Almost) Bosses
    We've all dealt with this. (Or if you haven't consider yourself lucky.) You interview for a position. You feel that it goes well, and even the employer indicates it's going well. They promise to get in touch with you soon. You leave the interview full of hope. And never hear from them again.
  6. Regurgit8ed Gurl
    An Avril-esque tune about visiting a city, being swallowed up by and falling in love with it, making plans to move there, and then being told at the last minute you're not what the city is looking for.
  7. Guideposts?
    A melodramatic venting session with God about the location of all these promised "signs for my life."
  8. Rose-Stained Shards
    ("My rose-tinted glasses turned to rose-stained shards" or some such trash.) A breakup song (the best kind of song!) about that all-over tingling feeling after spending one perfect night bonding with a longtime crush and feeling a spark between you. But then you go to the other side of the globe for a month and by the time you get back he's already "talking to" (freaking hate that term) another girl, one with whom you are also friends.
  9. Self Esteem Is Garbage
    My album closes with an honest take on the fact that my self confidence is below the charts, but I really don't worry myself about it. The truth is, my entire millennial generation was raised on this self esteem kick, and now we're all struggling through a thicket of mental illnesses. Did self esteem really help anyone?