THINGS EVERY AVERAGE 24 YEAR OLD HAS DONE BUT I HAVEN'T
I know I can't actually be the only one...but maybe I am. Alternate title: My Lame List.
- •Broken a bone.
- •Been on a date.Audibly snickering at the thought.
- •Had a real full-time job.Full-time internships, part-time actual jobs, full-time temp jobs. Never the real deal.
- •Been hit on by a stranger.Not really by anyone, actually...except one married sleezeball in my college choir, but he was slime and doesn't count.
- •Tried even one cigarette/joint/hit of any drug.I've been offered a cig exactly once by a boisterous but gossipy coworker, so it was probably the least tempting offer anyone's ever made me in my life.
- •Watched a porno movie.Because I need my penises to have some kind of gripping storyline accompanying them, a la Game of Thrones.
- •Gone skiing.Water or snow.
- •Seen any of the Hangover movies.I don't know why this strikes me as odd, I just feel like everyone I know has seen these, like every single person around my age met up and had a viewing party and forgot to include me in the group message.
- •Had a beer.I've tasted whiskey in Scotland, a strawberry daiquiri in Cozumel, champagne and some weird turquoise/colored pineapple cocktail at a bachelorette party...I guess I haven't landed on an alcohol that doesn't taste like something belonging under the hood of a car.
- •Snuck out of the house.Where the crap would I even go? My town dies at 10pm.
- •Been to a typical--or atypical--American keg party or club.Again, town closes at 10pm plus I was a Loser in high school, so as if.
- •Kissed a man.When I was about 8 or 9, I spent a summer kissing a boy (and later his younger brother), but since then no guys have even really tried for it.
- •Used a parent's credit card to buy something without permission.My mom pores over their cc bills every month, so I would basically be signing my name to a punishment contract where the only variable would have been Length of Sentence.
- •Had anything created for/about me.If you had a little sister like mine, you'd see why this seems so commonplace. I swear the girl smites a new guy every month, and they all want to win her heart by writing a song about her/sketching a picture for her/mailing her an obscene amount of sticky-sweet letters during a four-week break/etc.
- •Gotten drunk.Again, haven't found the right alcohol I guess.
- •Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.Everyone I know does this all the time, like it's just completely natural. I mean, it sounds nice, but also kind of terrifying?