THINGS I'M THANKING MYSELF FOR
Thank you, self.
- •Flossing everyday.I literally NEVER used to floss. Ever. (If this grosses you out, I accept your judgement.) Right before Christmas I had a pressure-sensitive tooth that I was worried was a cavity, and I immediately vowed to start flossing. The dentist told me nothing was wrong with the tooth--🙌🏼🙏🏻🙃--but I'm still flossing every single day. I take my iPad into the bathroom & put on a show to watch while I floss. It's an extra 3-7 minutes of every day that I have all to myself that makes me feel really good.
- •Accepting imperfection.I have a love/hate relationship w/ food. It's the most intense relationship in my life, to be honest. Since 4th grade when my teacher basically straight up told me I was fat--w/o meaning anything by it, I'm sure--I have blamed 83% of my problems on being fat.
- •Accepting imperfection continued.This led to years of beating myself up over things I ate that I probably shouldn't have, and then feeling so awful that I just gave up & ate all the things, & then hated myself even more. I'm also forgiving myself for days when I don't work out, for not washing my hair on some days I probably should😷, & for not journaling like I used to (obsessively) even though I want to but don't know how to get back into it.
- •Forgiving myself for succumbing to temptation.Recently, I've started trying to forgive myself. Eating BOTH of the PopTarts in the pack with Audrey this morning, & a handful of sweet potato fries at lunch wasn't great for me, but it also probably isn't going to make that much of a difference. I've been trying so hard to change myself for almost 16 years, & I guess I've realized it's probably not going to happen the way I want it to. I will never be gorgeous like those--actual people & celebs on all levels--whose beauty I deeply obsess over.
- •Resisting other temptations.I have been able, for the first time in my life, to step back and say no to the part of me that wants me to filch a few of those mini Snickers bars from my mom's stash. I'm finally starting to break free of the food bonds that have held me captive for 24 years. I'm still legions away from even intermediate level, but the fact that I'm actually IN the beginner level instead of just standing outside looking in feels like a victory.
- •Asking for this watch for Christmas.It's so great to not have to pull my phone out to check the time. Plus the toddlers LOVE to push the button that magically turns the gorgeous bracelet into a watch.
- •Brushing my hair.For years, I only combed my hair( I read so much about how brushes broke your hair, etc., so I thought it was better for my dishwater hair to brush it. Then I had a revelation: apparently it is really had to comb your hair while it's wet, which is when I always combed it! Eek. I did some research and purchased a Crave Naturals Glide Thru detangling brush, and it is MIRACULOUS. Seriously I'm in love with it. I brush my hair all the time now, and it looks healthier because brushes just do that?
- •Purchasing a menstrual cup.Inspired by cool cats like @ijeoma and @lesbian, I finally did some research of my own and discovered that--contrary to my ignorant years-long prejudice--they aren't actually disgusting at all! At least not to me. I bought a Lena cup, and Lena is now one of my best friends. There are so many reasons for me to move my menstrual cup, but I'll just sum it up: I wish I could pen ballads because I would write one for you, Lena. I'm already kind of wanting it to be time for me to call on you again. 😱
- •Downloading HabitBull to help me form new habits.Inspired by @ailsamartian whose judgement I trust, I'm going to try utilizing technology for self-improvement! Like trying to get back into journaling.
- •Trying to let go of moments when I embarrass myself.The PERFECT example happened Thursday night, when I projectile emotion-vomited all over ListApp in an evening of extra-weakness. My instinct is to cut and run, but I love so many people here a freakish amount for people I've never met and I don't want to give up on any of you. Sometimes you just have to face the Great Hall when you feel like an idiot for taking things too seriously in the Black Lake.
- •Keeping some things to myself.It's so easy to forget that it can be harmful to expose yourself too much. @nantea the other day she was teaching me that yearning for acceptance doesn't mean you have to share every little thing about yourself with the whole world. Finding people to belong in your life shouldn't mean offering up all your emotions as a sacrifice in the hopes of winning them over. When I'm nervous or hurt I tend to overshare to try to appeal to people's humanity, but I shouldn't have to. I *don't* have to.