WHEN THE WORDS WON'T COME

  1. Tonight.
  2. Something happened tonight.
  3. Something out of a nightmare which I thought had been safely tucked away.
  4. A host of my past mistakes crawled out of its hole to gnaw at my composure in an ever-present but previously-unactualized way.
  5. Honestly what has happened is nothing compared to what's happened to so many others—even people I lowkey know in real life.
  6. But for me this is a big, scary, niggling threat of a horrendous possibility that is now looming, dark and menacing and unstoppable, over my head.
  7. I realize I'm being ambiguous, and when I can understand how to process the shock and horror and brain pain, I think sharing here will actually help me.
  8. I've sat here staring at this for so long now, debating whether to hit publish.
  9. I know hitting the button won't fix the problem.
  10. But.
  11. I'm afraid.