REASONS I WOULD MAKE A TERRIBLE ASTRONAUT

Inspired by NASA's first open call in 4 years
  1. You can't get 1-800-CONTACTS delivered to the ISS
  2. Space technically gives me anxiety rivaled only by my fear of how the universe will end
  3. If being under 5'0 can disqualify me from the sweet egg donation money, I assume it also disqualifies me from space walking
  4. I was terrible at Chemistry, Physics, Pre-Calc, and Stats
    But I crushed it with Algebra...
  5. There aren't any malls on the moon
    (Yet)
  6. I let my CPR certification lapse
  7. I'm not allergic to anything except chemicals, which would probably be problematic in the long run SINCE NOTHING GROWS IN SPACE*
    *except kale in that sweet ISS garden