THINGS I WILL HEAR FROM DOCTORS THIS WEEK

  1. "Dear why don't you take your antibiotics with more food?"
  2. "Is this weight gain serious? Do we need to discuss healthy eating?"
  3. "Are you sure you regularly work out?"
  4. "Are you pregnant or planning to become pregnant?"
  5. "I don't think your brain has been taken over by a sentient tumor."
  6. "Do you need any anti-anxiety pills? They do wonders for your mother!"
  7. "Are you sexually active? Dear you can tell me!"
  8. "The gown opens the other way but I appreciate the effort."