THOUGHTS FROM MY CRAZY JEWISH MOTHER
A brief selection
- •"Rachel, you can't do a cross country road trip, especially through cowboy country. You're a serial killer's dream girl."
- •"Rachel, bacon isn't kosher and that's disgusting but of course shellfish is completely different. Don't look at me like that!"
- •"Rachel, I think the reason that you're single-- besides wanting to hurt me-- is that you don't like to be hugged. And you know hugging is a gateway show of affection. You know what I'm talking about right?"
- •"Rachel, you should probably freeze your eggs because you aren't getting any younger."... I am 23.
- •"Rachel, birth control is for irresponsible sluts. Are you trying to tell me something?"
- •"Rachel, of course you should marry for love. But naturally that would have to be your second marriage. The first one is always for money."
- •"Rachel, just so you know, if you marry a man who isn't Jewish I'll drop dead. It's a real medical condition you can look up on the web."