THOUGHTS FROM MY CRAZY JEWISH MOTHER

A brief selection
  1. "Rachel, you can't do a cross country road trip, especially through cowboy country. You're a serial killer's dream girl."
  2. "Rachel, bacon isn't kosher and that's disgusting but of course shellfish is completely different. Don't look at me like that!"
  3. "Rachel, I think the reason that you're single-- besides wanting to hurt me-- is that you don't like to be hugged. And you know hugging is a gateway show of affection. You know what I'm talking about right?"
  4. "Rachel, you should probably freeze your eggs because you aren't getting any younger."
    ... I am 23.
  5. "Rachel, birth control is for irresponsible sluts. Are you trying to tell me something?"
  6. "Rachel, of course you should marry for love. But naturally that would have to be your second marriage. The first one is always for money."
  7. "Rachel, just so you know, if you marry a man who isn't Jewish I'll drop dead. It's a real medical condition you can look up on the web."