WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS COCKTAIL (OF MEDICATIONS)

I'm currently on two different antibiotics and I am a person who is extremely prone to the side effects of these aforementioned medications. While I stuff my face with yogurt, let's attempt at least a modicum of optimism.
  1. Accidentally chopping off my finger while dicing peppers
  2. My mother running over my foot with her minivan and then not driving me to the ER
  3. Finding out I'm adopted but my biological father is Donald Trump
  4. Waking up to a bat circling my head (and its rabies status is TBD)
  5. Walking in on all of my exes having dinner together
  6. Wearing white after Labor Day that isn't a designated winter white
  7. Stumbling into a parallel universe that's exactly the same as ours except no one has ever heard of cheese