FEIGNED IGNORANCE

I do all the eye rolls when people pretend not to know these things like "I'm soo old and un-hip, how embarrassing!" No. You're a 26 yr old Manhattanite. A 48 yr old divorcee out in Westchester knows all of the following and you do too:
  1. On fleek
    On point, near perfect. You know this is what it means. It's especially annoying if you use this word properly and follow with "am I using it right? Is that how the kids say it?" Bish you know, and that's why you used it in a sentence correctly.
  2. Bish
    A softened, dare I say, endearing form of bitch. You can use simple context clues to understand this one.
  3. Ratchet
    Out of control, crazy, often used to describe that wild, adventurous friend who consumes copious amounts of alcohol and keeps going all night. Again, just use context clues.
  4. Celeb gossip
    Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about when I talk about Kylie Jenner's fake lips!!!
  5. Any top 40 song
    Wanna know why it's top 40? Because it's v manufactured and catchy af. Which is why it plays everywhere, which is why I call b u l l s h i t on your claim to have never heard Love You Like a Love Song by ohwhatsherface Selena Gomez.
  6. The young actress on the cover of the magazine at the doctor's waiting room.
    Oh, who's that? You can't quite put your finger on it? It's Selena Gomez. You know this because you pulled up the Love You Like a Love Song music video on youtube just last Saturday when you were pre-gaming for a ratchet night out, ya bish.