THINGS SAID TODAY AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE

(So far)
  1. "He's missing two ribs, he can't be humped"
    Said by my mother, concerned my dog might hump her dog who is, apparently, missing some ribs
  2. "SO, how many people did you two kill this week?"
    My grandmother to my cousin and her girlfriend who are surgeons
  3. "We gotta convert this shit to dvd"
    My mother regarding my BAT MITZVAH VIDEO
  4. "She's dead. She's dead too. Oh he's also dead"
    Various, watching the BM video
  5. "Look at your old nose!!"
    Everyone, about my old nose
  6. "And for my next candle"
    Me, in the BM video
  7. "They throw up doody"
    Uncle lewis schooling us on termites