TIMES I AM THE MOST AWKWARD HUMAN ALIVE

  1. in a social situation where i know precisely 1 person
    i will then either: 1. stand near them awkwardly all night and feel self-conscious about it, or 2. stand by myself awkwardly all night and feel self-conscious about it.
  2. when i am at a bar, regardless of how many people i know
    this is actually a lot like the first situation, in that everyone around me seems to be engaged actively in conversation while i stand around awkwardly by myself feeling self-conscious about it.
  3. nope, that's really it.
  4. it all boils down to the same situation
  5. where i get anxious and stand around awkwardly
  6. instead of talking to others
  7. and then get more anxious because i know everyone sees me standing around awkwardly
  8. and then become resigned to my fate, the most awkward human alive.
  9. i start to get sweaty
  10. and my breathing quickens
  11. as i begin to ponder the very structure of human conversation
  12. because what are we all talking about, anyway?
  13. .
  14. .
  15. i was not made for large group settings.