TITLES FOR THE MEMOIR I WILL NEVER WRITE

Inspired by @parktm @k8mcgarry etc etc
  1. i'm just here for the frozen yogurt
  2. yes, my dad is a dentist: the story of 10 cavities & 2 root canals at once
  3. does toothpaste have calories? and other musings
  4. "sure, dating casually is fine," and other lies
    see my "lies i've told men" list for the table of contents
  5. how to lose a guy in 10 seconds
  6. no, pepsi is not okay
  7. i'm sorry, i'm on my way DON'T HATE ME
  8. hold on, i need to instagram this lunch
  9. precisely that kind of girl