WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT DURING YOGA TODAY

my boyfriend and i went to yoga at 6:30 this morning as part of a 2016 thing we will probably stop doing in 2 weeks. yoga is hard for me because it involves everything i am not: clearing your thoughts, being mindful, trusting your body, etc.
  1. i forgot to reserve a mat.
  2. i don't have cash, and it's weird to pay with a debit card. especially because it's only $2.
  3. it's so quiet in here.
  4. why does my boyfriend insist on talking at a normal volume? these people are going to hate us.
  5. they probably come here all the time.
  6. i bet they're best friends with paul, the instructor.
  7. paul doesn't care that i didn't reserve a mat, apparently.
  8. paul says "wherever you are, just be there."
  9. what does that even mean?
  10. please, please don't let him come over and correct me. at least not out loud.
  11. damnit, rachel. nobody else is paying attention to that. they're all being mindful of their breathing instead.
  12. paul just said to exhale, but i JUST exhaled.
  13. now i have to skip a breath, which probably isn't the point.
  14. paul just corrected my warrior 2 and everyone noticed.
  15. how can everyone do warrior 3 but me? i cannot balance on this leg.
  16. it's okay not to be able to. that's not the point of yoga.
  17. okay, but it IS the point.
  18. it's not the point.
  19. why aren't any of my breaths matching up with paul's?
  20. i have to keep pulling up these leggings.
  21. do you think my stomach looks fat at this angle? do you think steve thinks my stomach looks fat at this angle?
  22. he knows exactly what your body looks like, he held you all night because you were cold.
  23. literally nobody is looking at your stomach, they are all doing sun salutations or something.
  24. he keeps talking about feet being at 10 o'clock but this looks nothing like a watch.
  25. i literally just want to be in child's pose.
  26. god, i can't wait to get coffee.
  27. everyone else is so zen right now. turn your mind off.
  28. you can't just turn your mind off! wherever you are, just be there.
  29. that sounded so real when paul said it, but now in my head i sound like an idiot.
  30. i am supposed to be breathing deeply and letting out my worries about the day.
  31. i have so many emails.
  32. i never want to look at my phone again.
  33. focus on your breathing.
  34. yes, we're laying down. just close your eyes.
  35. NAMASTE, EVERYONE. NAMASTE.