Resumes are a bunch of glorified words that makes everyone sound exactly the same. This is what really should be listed on my resume.
  1. Is not the smartest but will try SO hard
  2. Very good at pretending I know what I'm talking about
  3. Likes to make people laugh
  4. Good listener
  5. A bit shy in the beginning
  6. Solid drinking buddy
  7. Slow at sending emails
  8. Dependable & Loyal
  9. Pretty calm 95% of the time
  10. Will say yes to any adventure @klrosenb asks me to go on
  11. Sometimes maybe doesn't fully think things through
  12. Loves to play games
  13. Doesn't take sick days
  14. Has bad ADHD but it's totally cool and under control
  15. Spoiler Alert - Uses spell check like a mofo... Zero grammar skills whatsoever
  16. Loves weird food/food combos. Will eat just about anything.
  17. Will make it rain the best snacks
  18. Great camp counselor/good with kids
  19. Has made it through 2 years of law school so I can sound important
  20. Has amazing costumes
  21. Great driver/DJ
    Suggested by @ncalifano