PLANETS IN ORDER OF SEXINESS

  1. 1.
    Pluto
    Forbidden, what a tease. Long distance isn't wrong, and science just wants us to be apart. I believe in you, I believe in us.
  2. 2.
    Saturn
    All those rings proves you're desirable. Gravity liked it and put tens of thousands of rings on it.
  3. 3.
    Earth
    You sit in the sweet spot! Consistent and comfortable. I could see myself raising a family here.
  4. 4.
    Neptune
    Big, blue, and mysterious!
  5. 5.
    Mars
    I'd like to colonize you, maybe take a swim in your briny water. However, do I want to be where Matt Damon's already been?
  6. 6.
    Venus
    Too hot for you're own good. But a little stuck-up. We get it, you have acid rain. What else is is new?
  7. 7.
    Jupiter
    Bad ombré, but I get the appeal. Big is beautiful. You're kind of a one trick pony. An eons old storm? Give it a rest.
  8. 8.
    Mercury
    Not my type. Dry and desolate-cannot sustain life.
  9. 9.
    Uranus
    You're pretty, but you're jokes are played out! So over Uranus- your anus. You're drunk and plaid out. Go home.