THE BEST THINGS THAT I'VE EVER WITNESSED

If every my day is bad. I remember one of these three things:
  1. I grew up with a kid whose high school mascot was the Fighting Quakers.
    What do Quakers not do?
  2. My friend once explained to me that when she was growing up she had "a speech impedimee"
    Not impediment. I nearly peed my pants.
  3. I was browsing the comment section on YouPorn (as one often does). And, on a video of a teacher and student intercoursing I the class room, there were perfect comments:
  4. 1. "I want to be that guy"
  5. 2. "I want to be that teacher."
  6. 3. "I want to be that picture of Abraham Lincoln on the wall."
    There was an odd painting of Lincoln in the wall and line 4 desks. Not a great porn set.
  7. 4. Someone with the screen name Pinocchio writes "I want to be a real boy!"