1. Have Dan Aykroyd sing "Tainted Love" at my funeral.
    49eeca63 e184 48c5 9530 ec2c3275348f
  2. In lieu of flowers please have hundreds of Virgin de Guadeloupe candles.
    661fb6fe 17a6 4808 a4b6 328a9d8ee8b6
    My funeral theme is going to be Santeria.
  3. During the funeral there must also be snacks.
    72682556 4810 402b 97e9 5b9a55dc7d2c
    Red sweetish fish, Pringles, and little cups of juice. Just like Sunday School. There can also be cool coloring sheets.
  4. All of my grandchildren must stay in a haunted house all night to get my "fortune."
    83cfea8f 010b 4fcb 98d3 741381c32dca
    They'll assume it'll be like any other slasher movie. But, the grandchild who stays the whole night will receive a box with a little note inside that reads "Cherish one another." That'll fuck with their head so much!
  5. At my funeral there will be gift bags containing lavender oil, peppermint tea, bubbles, and other items.
    62642e10 2c6c 4382 bb78 3733270614a5
    Guests can trade and swap after the service.
  6. At the end of the funeral the guests will look under there seats. Whomever has a card taped to the underside gets all of my stuff.
    05e6c1f1 665e 4a73 8a33 bd66524a828c
    He or she wins the funeral! "Thanks for playing folks, there's more snacks in the back!" This way no one can be mad. "Sorry cousin Timmy, you didn't sit in seat 14H!"
  7. A game of Cards Against Humanity will be played in my honor.
    52b2f53b bcfb 46dd a0df ebdc92283ebe
    My own version of sitting shiva. I want to be remembered as I lived-fucked up.