THINGS THAT I AM

according to those who encounter me
  1. brave
    a hero, technically
  2. handsome
    ruggedly so, but in a traditional fashion
  3. kind
    VERY nice man
  4. faithful to but one man
    god aka the lord
  5. fairly large
    swiftly nearing 750 lbs.
  6. craft beer snob
    drinks only coors light, miller lite, bud light lime, etc.
  7. ride lawn mowers
    only trusted mode of transportation
  8. sports fan (enthusiastic)
    the hawks had more talent than the ducks and coach bombay fucking knows it
  9. helps retarded kids
    helps them get better
  10. gay
    only for pay. cash-ola baby. the green stuff...paper
  11. inventor
    of the Dick Band-Aid™ The Band-Aid For Your Dick®