TRICKS OF THE TRADE TO GETTING YOUR 5 YEAR OLDS TO SLEEP

  1. Step one: reason calmly with your child, while scratching their back for 10 minutes and trying to stay calm
  2. Step two: threaten to turn out the lights and shut the door
  3. Step three: cry a little and hide in a closet (this will not work)
  4. Step four: bribe with promises of marshmallows for breakfast
  5. Step 5: Turn on Revenge and pretend not to hear the cries for hugs and water
  6. Step 6: Eventually fall asleep curled in a fetal position with your 5 year old staring down at you wide awake
  7. Note: if you have two kids, multiply this by 3