AIR TRAVEL THINGS THAT DRIVE ME IN.SANE.

I am from New Jersey and go to school in New Orleans. This combined with my debilitating obsession with my mother and bichon (sp?) pup leads to pretty frequent flying.
  1. Women wearing heels on the plane
    Why? Why? You are making a presumably unappreciated choice to reduce your own comfort and speed. Even if you're going straight to that big conference/red carpet premiere just throw the heels in your carry-on tote. I think Ugg slipper mocassins have been my classiest in-flight footwear thus far. Your choice look appealing at 6:30 AM in Newark shames my own lifestyle choices.
  2. Reclining your seat back
    I know this is an unpopular opinion and people seem to live for this but I feel strongly that this is fundamentally one of the meanest things you can do: it says that your space is more valuable than someone else's and you will take purposeful action to remove space from someone else. The only action to rectify this is to recline one's own seat, creating a wave of meanness and discomfort until the guy/girl/pup all the way in the back (or in front of exit row) is miserable.
  3. People not understanding the value of the exit row
    Lately I've been flying Southwest (which has a seat yourself wherever policy, with preference depending on time of check in). I am crazy claustrophobic and am always one of the first - but every time I realize it doesn't even matter because no one ever goes for the exit row on the left (???) I am literally swimming in space and no one ever sits in my row with me (I prefer to ignore the possibility that I am just disconcertingly ugly)
  4. Never being seated next to someone reasonably close my age, reasonably attractive and reasonably male
    This is painfully girly but since I learned what a plane was I've had a fantasy of meeting a boyfriend/husband on a plane. Please, higher powers, just make this happen for me once and preferably have him not judge me as I giggle over Cosmo's hundredth list of ever-disturbing 100 ways to give a killer blow job (that'll keep him coming back!)
  5. Airlines giving out bags of nuts
    This just seems like a major liability?? I know more than one person who is in life threatening danger if they come in any kind of contact with nuts. Doesn't seem worth it just to please the few diehard salted peanut lovers.
  6. People who get audibly angry about crying babies
    I'm sure I've been guilty of this but recently been making a big effort to swallow it - hopefully many of us who are so inclined will be able to have a baby and still travel. Flights are long, babies cry, new moms/dads are probably more exhausted than us, that's just kinda life.
  7. Cute white girls who complain about getting extra searches "because, like, clearly I'm not a terrorist"
    These are people who claim to not be racist. Could you imagine if (God forbid) some horrible tragedy were to occur and interviewed TSA officers were like "well, we didn't search her because she was a safe-looking cute white girl" ??? That's not a world I want to live in.
  8. Couples making out/groping on planes
    This could be partly due to my aforementioned desire to be part of said couple but this is just super uncomfortable for the passenger next to you? Unless you are newly married, madly in love, renewing your vows, taking that big exciting trip you've been planning, finally getting a break from the kids, old and still have the hots for each other, aw hell go on ahead.