STUFF ON MY FACEBOOK FEED AND MY SUBSEQUENT FEELINGS

I'm not always this judge-y but yeah ok maybe
  1. "Rest in peace girlie <3" with link to vague obituary of a 19 year old I do not know
    What has happened? Is there a higher power? One minute of intense worry for her mother. One minute of intense shame for being more sad bc she is cute
  2. Prom photos of people I don't know at high schools I didn't attend
    SAVOR THIS TIME YOU SEXUALLY REPRESSED, FLAT-STOMACHED INNOCENTS
  3. Embarrassing birthday post by someone's aging parents
    They have to know their child looks awful in that awkward close-up from a 2010 family trip to Bruges. Or is that the point ? Either way I firmly re-commit to ignoring Grandma Edith's friend request.
  4. Engagement photos of a red-bearded former camp counselor and his flower wreath-wearing fiancé.
    LOVE IS REAL!!!!!
  5. Close up of photo of a Bloody Mary at swanky brunch
    Ok how does everyone like those?? I've never had *an alcohol* and been like, ya know, a carrot and some lettuce would be JUST the thing
  6. Video of hamsters eating tiny burritos
    Yes I've seen it 3 times already but like why you gotta limit me? But seriously, G-d bless this film maker
  7. A call for equal prize money for female Brazilian jiu-jitsu fighters
    I silently curse the injustice and scroll on past the change.org petition
  8. An ad for overly expensive sunglasses I googled last week
    Fuck you Internet Cookies for real. You don't deserve the name Cookies
  9. A German video of what appears to be a baby in a tub of liquid chocolate
    I do not click play for fear of pedophilia charges
  10. Photos of girls looking cute in bucket hats
    I don't understand this trend but I'll let it play out (I'm kind in that way)