SEVEN FACTS ABOUT NYQUIL YOU ONLY UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE ON NYQUIL

  1. life is made up of tiny green dots and if you see blue dots hiding in there that's where evil is hiding but you just have to ignore it
  2. you have to drive very slow because it allows you to see all the elves jumping in and out of your bathtub
  3. your car is a giant bathtub
  4. many people will say a lot of words at you but just ignore them and stare into their eyes and hand them money until they stop
  5. your face feels like a refreshing cold fire. this is how baby aliens feel when they are born on the moon
  6. the makers of NyQuil have unlocked the pathway between reality and more reality. it's your job to stay home from work and investigate
  7. sometime during the second day if you listen closely enough you can hear what your dogs are thinking.
  8. turns out they don't even know what a dog is. but they are very advanced in the field of friendship based relational politics and the science of cuddling