She thinks I'm an expert?
  1. Don't wear real clothes.
    The best way to stick out like a sore thumb is to wear jeans and a blouse. Stick to yoga pants and a hoodie, and no one will bat an eye.
  2. Always be chugging Starbucks
    If you're not holding a venti cup, what even are your hands doing?
  3. Don't talk to anyone, just look at your phone.
  4. Headphones
    Never be aware that someone is trying to say "excuse me" and get by your slow-walking self.
  5. The library is for socializing.
    Just catch up with that dude from your one class two semesters ago.
  6. Change your name to Emily.
    V important.
  7. Don't take notes, just record the lecture.
    And do what with these recordings? That's probably a whole other list.
  8. Bring your meals to class.
    It probably came from Starbucks anyway? Make sure it's something noisy so you can relive it while you do whatever with those lecture recordings.
  9. Talk loudly on the phone with your doctors office about refilling your prescriptions.
    This is the only actual phone conversation you're allowed to have anymore, sorry.