FIVE THOUGHTS I HAVE EVERY SINGLE TIME I'M RUNNING

  1. Left off of my street, or right?
    This is a big deal because to the left are fewer houses, and therefore fewer opportunities for me to get hit by a car or awkwardly have to acknowledge neighbors. However, it is so secluded, that I have to consider if I want to be the runner on the news who was found murdered in the woods.
  2. What is that car doing?
    Whichever direction I choose to go, there never fails to be a car parked where a car shouldn't be. I like to think its an undercover cop just taking a break, but I can't help the thoughts that it's actually a murderer waiting for some female to jog by. This causes me to cut my run short, if I can't alter my route.
  3. What was the motive behind that honk?
    Hopefully that was someone I know just saying hi, or some neighbor encouraging me to keep going, but probably it was just some perv.
  4. Please don't attack me.
    As far as neighborhoods go, I think mine is relatively safe. I live in one of the best zip codes in the area when taking into account resident income and home value. I have a few cops as neighbors, and there are great schools. Nevertheless, when I have to run past someone else on foot, I always plan my defense. Am I too tired to do a full sprint? Am I strong enough to break someone's hold on me?
  5. I'm just going to *pretend* to be listening to something for a minute.
    I just pause my podcast/audiobook/music for a little while. Usually when I spot teenagers, sorry.