LIES I WAS TOLD BY COMCAST IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS

We've had an Internet connection speed of 5 mbps since March 11th.
  1. "I'm so happy to offer you this great deal."
    I called because of slow connection and was told that everything was normal. I hung up and she called me back six times.
  2. "You need a new modem"
    We certainly didn't need a new modem, because we went ahead and got a new one and had the same issue.
  3. "There have been no reported issues in your area."
    Every person on my street (which is five houses, but still) is having this exact issue.
  4. "Maintenance has already resolved the issue."
    The first tech they sent decided there was a bad connection and filed a maintenance ticket. The ticket was closed and nothing changed.
  5. "Maintenance will have the issue resolved by the middle of next week."
    The entire line on our street needed to be replaced. The second tech was very nice and followed up with us multiple times, but it was apparent that even he was being lied to.
  6. "Your issue has been resolved."
    Automated text message received, and nothing had changed.
  7. "We're going to send a manager out."
    They sent another tech who did nothing.
  8. "The speed looks great"
    It didn't.
  9. "They're balancing the line."
    That's not a thing.
  10. "They're working on it now."
    There was nobody outside.
  11. "It will be fixed this evening"
    It wasn't.
  12. (The manager just didn't answer his phone, then my fiancé called from his work phone and the manager answered on the first ring)
    Not a lie, exactly, but really damn shady.
  13. "It will be fixed within the hour."
    It wasn't.
  14. "It will be fixed by 5:00 pm"
    Nothing