NOTABLE THINGS THAT HAPPENED DURING HHN THAT PROVED I WOULD DIE QUICKLY IN AN APOCALYPSE SITUATION
First I should explain that my dude and I love being spooked, so Halloween Horror Nights is something we look forward to annually and we're the people who scream at everything and end up losing our voices.
- •Spoiler alert for anyone planning on going to hhn later.
- •I personally like to not hear too much about it beforehand which is part of the reason I always go so early.
- •I think it makes the experience less fun to know what to expect.
- •In the house called Tomb of the Ancients, I suddenly found myself staring down a hallway in which a humanoid being with six-foot-long legs appeared from the fog and began storming toward me.Typically I use my man as a human shield, but he sometimes likes to wiggle out of my grasp and skip off so I am left alone in my terror. This time I jumped up and down in place, screaming until a friend pushed me into the next room.
- •In The Exorcist house, I was wrongly relieved to enter a room where Father Merrin chanted "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" over an, I think, empty bed. Then he fucking lunged at me.What the hell, Father? You're supposed to be good. I shrieked "NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE." And held on to my fiancé so I wouldn't get sucked into a demon's realm.
- •In a house called Lunatic's Playground there was a scene where Chance electrocutes a man who I was sure was already dead. I was definitely showing my fear of Chance who cackled at me, but then the DEAD GUY reached for me and yelled "HELP ME!"I screamed "HE'S REAL HE'S REAL," and pushed my entire group into the next room.
- •Also in Lunatic's Playground, as has happened to me in the past, I found myself frozen on a platform within one of those funhouse spinning tube things.Everyone else was leaning slightly to the right and smiling and walking through, but I fell all the way to the left, terrified, and the entire weight of my body was being pulled down by some unholy force. I held up the line. I had to pull myself out with my arms.
- •In the house for Halloween II, my fiancé had already developed a splitting headache as a result of me screaming in his ears, so he shoved his human shield responsibilities off onto our friend, Jeremy.If this doesn't show that my catastrophe support is unreliable, then the next point will.
- •After we thought we had safely exited the house for Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a Leatherface with a chainsaw popped out to get me (Sometimes actors do this when they encounter someone like me just to get in one last good surprise). Then a SECOND Leatherface with a chainsaw jumped out to join him.Not expecting two Leatherfaces, and being outside and unrestrained, my fiancé just took off running, leaving me to latch onto the nearest capable male, a total stranger, screaming until they both disappeared.
- •The Walking Dead house ended with a room of walkers that seemed to be tangled up in ropes or vines. The lights were strobing, and it was very intense, and I couldn't stop screaming. Nevertheless they all reached out for me. Every last one of them singled me out.This is not how you handle a horde of zombies, and I absolutely know better.
- •In the American Horror Story house, I found myself sometimes conflicted that I was being scared by characters I really love. Like, oops, yes I should be afraid of Moira the maid because she's a scary ghost.James March yelled something threatening, and I screamed, but then I yelled "I love you!" Because he really did look like Evan Peters, come on.
- •In the area where Jaws the Ride used to be, I had to deal with a scare zone called Dead Man's Wharf. I managed to get myself completely surrounded by barnacle-encrusted monsters and men.Normal people would run before this could happen, but I just spin around screaming and drawing more attention to myself. I'm completely hopeless.