THE WORLD ACCORDING TO '90S COUNTRY MUSIC.

As a child, I worshipped country music. Then I turned 11 and stopped.
  1. Going out dancing is the thing to do.
    And I don't mean going out to the club and letting some randos grind on you--this is classy. Whether you're at some ritzy place, or some neon lights honky tonk, if you're a bad dancer, you risk your lover dancing with somebody ELSE, and that's game over.
  2. It's acceptable to make requests when someone is choosing songs at a jukebox.
    Common requests of the time: "don't play happy songs because I'm sad," "don't play sad songs because I'm sad," "play this particular song because maybe it'll get me lucky." How about let me play what I want to hear, and you do you, asshole
  3. Wearing a negligee is so sexy.
    But if you're wearing one, you're probably a tramp. Confusing.
  4. Marriage won't be any fun.
    All wives ever want to do is make husbands not have any fun. Wives just want more money so that they can eat in French restaurants (the classiest kind of restaurant). If you're a wife, you'll just be sitting at home waiting for your husband to stop dancing with floozies.
  5. Rodeo is life.
    This is serious. Men have died by the thousands at the will of this sport somehow. Families have been destroyed for reasons I never understood. If he can't ride a farm animal, he's probably not a man.