I was a server from Feb 2003-Dec 2005 (age 17-19) at three different locations. I was never written up, not even once.
  1. What I did wrong
    Slapped a grill cook across the face on the dining room floor (in front of guests) for saying something about me I don't even remember.
  2. Why I didn't get fired
    The manager on duty was really into me, and knew I was unlikely to go out with someone who got me fired (I never agreed to go out with him).
  3. What I did wrong
    Engaged in a multi-week long competition with a fountain worker (makes milkshakes) to determine who was better at catching cherries in his or her mouth. Cherries were routinely found in the salad bar, and in the chili.
  4. Why I didn't get fired
    The GM thought it was hilarious, and sometimes threw cherries at us. We were really good.
  5. What I did wrong
    Challenged a coworker to a dance off to Britney Spears' "Boys" on the dining room floor (why was this even in the jukebox, if we weren't supposed to dance to it?). The restaurant was *basically* empty. One person came in to take-out a milkshake, and complained.
  6. Why I didn't get fired.
    Manager on duty said she would let it slide because my dance partner was gay...?
  7. What I did wrong.
    Answered the phone "Look, dick, quit calling here." Because the last four phone calls in a row were some guy humming "Sleigh Ride." This particular phone call was a manager from another location.
  8. Why I didn't get fired.
    Turns out the prank caller was one of our managers, and reasoned that it was his fault this ever happened in the first place. Also the GM thought it was funny.
  9. What I did wrong.
    Passed some friends of mine about five coupons while they were still eating. The coupons were supposed to be stapled individually to a receipt as the guest leaves (to use next time). These coupons were in sequential order, matching up with the coupons in my apron, so I got found out easily. The GM was livid. "Tell me one reason I shouldn't fire you right now."
  10. Why I didn't get fired.
    I was under 18, so I legally required a break after a certain number of hours. My GM routinely clocked me and other minors out while we worked, in order to appear to follow this law on paper if we were busy. During slow times he would let us take breaks on the clock to equal it out. So my answer was just reminding him of this fact.
  11. What I did wrong
    I got a complete fail on a secret shopper report because we were understaffed and totally slammed on Easter, so this lady's food took forever, and her milkshake took two forevers. All of my apologies did nothing to make her happy.
  12. Why I didn't get fired
    The GM said "who the hell comes here on Easter?" And made it go away somehow.
  13. What I did wrong.
    I threw a milkshake on the floor in protest.
  14. Why I didn't get fired.
    So base server pay was $2.13, and we also had a production rate of $3.13 for doing extra things for short amounts of time when we would not be earning tips. Understaffed as always, a manager assigned me the duty of making milkshakes and desserts because I make them efficiently, while making them look great. I did this for a full shift at $3.13 an hour. This is both why I was mad, and why I wasn't fired.
  15. What I did wrong.
    I blew up at the scheduling manager for joking about me having no social life. It was ugly, I was yelling. I had no social life because she scheduled me for ten hour double shifts every Thursday through Sunday.
  16. Why I wasn't fired.
    Because half of my hand was sporting a grease burn due to this location lacking the proper staff or equipment to make taco salad bowls. In the end, she was apologizing to me.
  17. What I did wrong
    One manager overheard me bad-mouthing my GM to a table.
  18. Why I didn't get fired.
    The GM was presently screaming, loudly for the whole store to hear, in the face of an employee, who he hired, for having disgusting hygiene. It was embarrassing, and I was just trying to diffuse the tension at my table.
  19. This was an incredibly toxic environment.
  20. On multiple occasions I was sent home because I broke down crying on the job.
  21. Eleven years later, I still have stress nightmares about being quadruple and pentuple-sat in my section with tables of people just ordering milkshakes that I have to make myself.
    Even though I clearly ran that place.