Things I Have Wished To Happen To My Ex-Girlfriend

  1. That she would fail the bar exam
    I seriously wished this every time I saw the clock was at 11:11. I did this for an embarrassing about of time
  2. That she would get chronic yeast infections which would render her sex-less forever
  3. That she always walk into the smelly car on the train
  4. That she would always inexplicably get lemon juice in all her paper cuts
  5. That she would have explosive diarrhea. Just like whenever.
  6. That she would stub her toe getting out of bed everyday for the rest of her life
  7. That her new girlfriend would fart in her face every time she went down on her
  8. That she would get back together with me