1. They need your phone number... 5 times.
    You're seriously telling me that zero call centers have caller id? In 2016? Or the ability to track all the info I've iteratively spoken into your robot phone-routing machine over the most painful fifteen minutes of faux human customer service in my life? Your system isn't expediting or streamlining shit if nothing I've entered into the phone gets to the person who ultimately takes my call and has me repeat all that info. Also, get some goddamn caller id.
  2. They try to preemptively placate me using the world's most time-consuming and patronizing techniques
    "So I understand your cable box won't turn on when you try to turn it on. I'm very sorry to hear that it won't turn on. I understand that it's important to you that your cable turns on when you want to watch TV, and I apologize for the inconvenience but look forward to working with you to get it working again so you can continue enjoying our services..." This is literally what happens when Cox Cable runs an outrageously unchecked monopoly.