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- •Unlocking Your Potential: Eating Cheese While Lactose Intolerant
- •The Stains On Your Shirt Aren't As Bad As You Think
- •There's No Shame In Not Driving Stick
- •I can't commit to a plate right now
- •Plates are also limiting
- •Feels kinda sneaky
- •I am a goddamn adult
- •"Hear me out..."Well now I'm suspicious.
- •"Listen..."I was! In general, people don't respond well to commands.
- •"I'm not racist, but..."Oh man, this is the Stairway to Heaven of qualifiers. A classic that spans both generation and class.
- •"I'm not trying to be rude..."Unless you follow this up directly with "but hey pretty girl I'm feelin' you" then whatever you're about to say is absolutely going to be rude. (Author note: False promising R. Kelly is possibly the rudest thing you can do.)
Sometimes the best resolutions and personal growth come from setting boundaries.
- 1.Eating the wax wrapping on assorted cheeses and smoked meats.
I watched a lot of the Muppets — a lot — and I just remembered how scared I was most of the time. (Note: I'm defining "Muppets" as all Jim Henson-created characters, which includes Sesame Street, haters.)
- 1.The MartiansYIIIIP YIP YIP YIP. Listen, I'm not really sure why these guys terrified me so much, but my grandma told me every time they came onscreen I would scream at the top of my lungs.
- 2.The CountMy family took me to see Sesame Street On Ice multiple times as a child. My only vivid memory is openly weeping when the Count emerged over the dark Anaheim Pond to start counting some shit. I felt like a hostage.
- 3.Animal (and pretty much the entire Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem band)In retrospect, I actually kinda like these guys. I watched an episode of the new Muppets show on ABC that featured the band, and as an adult, I get the joke. At the time, though, they just seemed like an unsavory bunch.
- 4.Statler and WaldorfSuper mean.
- •Saving Private Ryan
- •The Dark Knight
- •You shared something from "The Mind Unleashed"
I'VE BEEN WATCHING COLLEGE FOOTBALL ALL DAY AND NOW I CAN'T SLEEP
- •Oklahoma State - Pistol PeteWHY IS HIS HEAD A MASK IF THE REST OF HIM IS REAL?
- •Purdue BloilermakersSAME QUESTION BUT LOUDER. EITHER IT'S A COSTUME OR PERSON.
- •Vanderbilt CommodoreNOPE. THIS IS DEFINITELY WORSE.