A PUBLIC SERVICE: BOTTOM-LINING THIS WEEK'S US MAGAZINE JUST FOR YOU - ISSUE 01.16.17 🙍🏽‍♂️🐁🏊🏿

It's a new year, it's a whole new take on ... oh, come on. We all know this is gonna be the same shit as last year. But at least it's reliable shit? Fingers crossed that 2017 will be a year of Sartorial Dumbfuckery the likes of which we have never seen.
  1. •
    Sigh. We're off to a dark start.
    I won't be commenting on this story because you have probably read enough stories about these two this week to make your eyes bleed. Very respectfully, of course.
  2. •
    Turns out I'm not the world's biggest Monique L'Huiller fan.
  3. •
    Nope.
  4. •
    Nope.
  5. •
    Noooooooope.
  6. •
    Maybe I should just post this:
    See what I did there?
  7. •
    Almost funny.
  8. •
    This week's edition of Why We Love Chrissy Teigen.
  9. •
    No comment. I just really, really love this picture. Run, J. Lo! Run!
  10. •
    Once again, Hilary Duff's PR person* earns her paycheck.
    *Her, probably.
  11. •
    A) This is not hiking and B) Are we entirely sure that isn't Robert Wagner?
  12. •
    ?????
  13. •
    Maybe 2017 is the year of the over-achieving publicist. Although Scott Foley doesn't appear anywhere in this issue. Now I'm worried about him.
  14. •
    I don't care who you are, that's just denim underwear.
  15. •
    C'mon, Chrissy. Our love is not limitless. Enough with the Hilaria Baldwin-ing.
  16. •
    The caption possibilities are endless but...THE PANTS!
  17. •
    File under: No DNA test needed.
  18. •
    I need a smart British toddler ASAP.
    Then I need a plan B for when I tire of her.
  19. •
    Oooooh, I am all for gender equality, especially when it comes to the Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery.
    I can't even imagine this thought process: Ice skating? Harem pants!
  20. •
    I adore Chrissy Metz. But her bag is boring AF.
  21. •
    I'm still gutted about this one.
  22. •
    Farrah Abraham, proving she does not understand what "related" means.
  23. •
    Seems totally spontaneous.
  24. •
    I guess this how he saves enough scratch to buy those private jets?
  25. •
    This just sounds gross, right?
  26. •
    Almost sounds as though they're drawing a correlation...don't you let them do it, @mindy ! That ball sports team probably lost all in their own!
  27. •
    Is it? Because this reeks of bullshit to me.
  28. •
    I thought this was what Jude Law wore to Ascot this year. Also, I wish this were a wacky buddy comedy.
  29. •
    A question philosophers have grappled with through this ages: does the involvement of Dulé Hill cancel out the involvement of Katherine Heigl?
  30. •
    Answer:
  31. •
    A BRITNEY SPEARS LIFETIME MOVIE? YES, PLEASE.
  32. •
    I have spent roughly 1/3 of my life worrying that I don't have the coolest water bottle. WHERE DOES IT END?!?!
  33. •
    There are so many things I dislike about this outfit I genuinely don't know where to start. It's like it was sewn from the fabric of my nightmares.
  34. •
    Now SHE'S transitioning...into Justin Beiber.
  35. •
    Also straight out of my nightmares: showing up somewhere in my bath robe. Which I tie-dyed myself at Coachella.
  36. •
    For realz, though, is anyone still watching this?
  37. •
    Why does Jamie Alexander creep me out? Like she could see straight into my soul if I had one.
  38. •
    Are you sure that's why?
  39. •
    Just like the time I totally injected myself into a friend's wedding proposal and made it all about me and then wanted a fucking gold star just for attending.
  40. •
    :::shiver:::
  41. •
    And as much as I would love to reward Jude Law's harem pants, I just cannot see past Rachel Leigh Cook's underwear/doily extravaganza. Congratulations, madam, your see through panels of cheap lace on both the top AND the bottom of your outfit have earned you 2017's first Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery!
  42. •
    Well, I hope that wasn't too rusty, kids. I promise when I get back up to speed it'll be...exactly the same. See ya next week!